Curious cases of online lawyer

The aim was to build a legal service that solves all legal issues around housing, real estate, employment law, sole traders and companies and can help with any legal problem. The solicitors’ services are provided online, documents are exchanged with clients via a secure account and consultations are provided by phone, Skype and email.

Anyone providing a service or selling something will appreciate the warm feeling of receiving feedback such as “exactly what I needed”, “exactly what I was looking for”, “exactly what solved my problem”. Sometimes, however, the problem is a curious one.

I don’t mean, for example, an easement on a piece of land where the owner had to allow a neighbour to drive a flock of sheep across his land, or the queries of a client who wanted to sell exotic insects in bulk in the Czech Republic. This is more or less standard. The case of our client whose “e-mail” was stolen, i.e. his mailbox was stolen and he suddenly had no access to it.

Sometimes, however, one comes across the truly bizarre. Such a situation can arise from reading the file, and I quote: He justified his claim on the grounds that he had been injured at work during the manufacture and installation of a pre-insulated piping system by an employee, P. Ž., who, out of inappropriate jocularity, while the applicant was bent over and with his back turned to him at work, put the mouth of the hose of an air compressor which was in operation against his anus, causing compressed air to enter through the rectum into the intestinal villi and to perforate the colonic wall by 2 cm in diameter and several smaller perforations of the intestine as a result of the compressed air.

A famous decision of the Supreme Court in this regard stated that a vulgar statement or swearing by a manager can be a correct instruction to ensure health and safety in the workplace. Literally: “Fuck, don’t go up there on those skylights, you might get knocked down”.

Of course, our attorneys encounter curiosities at the court hearing itself:

A witness testified today, telling it like it was. The judge asks him, “Explain to me the contradiction that the defendant testified that you were there together in December and you say that you were there only in April.”

HIM: “I don’t know any of the defendants. I was nowhere with him”.

THE JUDGE: “This gentleman here, you said he was a friend of yours.” He points to the seated man.

HIM: “Oh yes, he did with Franta. But I don’t really know any of the defendant as you say here, I don’t know him. I really wasn’t anywhere with that one.”

Sometimes the opposing side is amusing. This is an authentic experience of one of our colleagues: three hours after the defendant won his trial, the plaintiff’s attorney calls me to tell me that we have the trial tomorrow and if my client doesn’t want to settle for 1/2 the amount sued, that the plaintiff will win 100%. I guess this guy has a real grasp on court dates and deadlines and what will be his surprise that there is nothing tomorrow and he didn’t win 100%.

But the greatest curiosities are experienced right in the whirlwind of everyday life. For example, a gentleman suddenly calls and very helically states his query. In the end, it turns out he doesn’t need legal services, he’s just translating a detective story and can’t figure out how to correctly label a court somewhere in the middle of the Australian bush.

Once again, a client needed a criminal record extract for a business registration application. Unfortunately, the Czech one was not enough because he was a long-term resident of the USA. However, in that state they didn’t know the classic registry, so he finally got a certificate from the local sheriff: I never arrested him for vagrancy or drunkenness. That was enough to get him on the board.

The crown to the humorous inquiries was put on by a lady who demanded that her neighbor pay the house and dog fees. After all, she also uses the elevator.